Christmas Day
Christmas can be difficult to navigate especially with children at a young age. This is particularly so when parents both share time with the children on Christmas Day with each spending half the day with the child(ren). Children will generally get up very early on Christmas and they are excited so by the time they arrive at the second parent’s house in the afternoon for further celebrations they are over it. One solution is to give the kids some down time before the afternoon.
Presents can also be an issue. When children go to the second parent’s house, it is often difficult as they want to play with their new toys. It is therefore a good idea to leave the new presents at home.
I think that parents should not get too caught up in splitting the day. The chopping and changing on Christmas Day can be very stressful for children and adults alike. A solution is to have Christmas over 2 days. One parent might take them for Christmas Day and the other parent on Boxing Day. The following year they swap, so that the second parent gets the children for Christmas and so on.
Christmas time is also about seeing extended family such as cousins etc so parents really need to plan around this.
Holidays Generally
The holiday period can also be a trying time. Some parents don’t realise that the changes to the time they spend with each parent can be stressful for kids. A parent may have a child for, say, 3 nights per fortnight during the year and not understand that it’s a big deal for child not to see a parent or carer with whom it lives for an entire fortnight. It should be remembered that during this time, children are also away from other connections that they are used to having around them.
I believe that it really helps to make arrangements well in advance. If a child misses one parent, perhaps the child could be returned home and have a meal with that parent and then go back with the other parent or they could have phone or skype time with absent parent.
Problems can also occur when kids don’t leave toys at home but rather they take things between households. All this backwards and forwards can mean that toys are not returned. This can really create discord and lead to complaints.
Legal Tips
When it comes to Christmas (and for that matter, the other periods of the year as well), I think it is best to have parenting arrangements in place from the get-go which set out the times the parties are to spend with the children. I often assist my clients in negotiating a realistic agreement and in some cases having these arrangements set out in consent orders which are enforceable through the court.
Planning is key. All families are, after all, different.